Online Dating Part 1

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Part 1 of of a Superb Guest Article by Nicole Flier, That was first Published in Atlantic Avenue Magazine

Don’t pretend like you haven’t done it! Let’s face it. We live in the year 2010 and everything happens on line including finding love! I myself have periodically been an online dater over the years and was actually a success story making it to the altar back in 2004.

Well, as you probably guessed my great online success crashed and burned shortly thereafter, but I still believe that the system can and does work, for those who are willing to put in the time.

Now for those of you who have engaged in this online experience, you know that it’s all about the profile picture. Does anyone really read thru the content of your profile? Or do they just look at your photo(s) and base their online attack on your physi- cal attributes? With this being said, I think I need to call out all of you that find it necessary to hide be- hind your high school or college pictures as if your potential suitor isn’t going to figure out that you are now more wrinkled, reached another decade of life, twenty pounds heavier and have become follicle challenged.

Some people think black and white pictures are the way to go, since who doesn’t really look good photographed in black and white? This leads me to the infamous tuxedo photo or the “money shot.” We all know that most men clean up really nice and a tuxedo can make “Joe Schmo” look like Brad Pitt or better, James Bond.

I haven’t forgotten the girls; so I ask – why do you choose to post headshots or glamour shots com- plete with feathered hair and feathered boas, circa late 1980’s? Isn’t it strange that you haven’t posted a full length pose? What are you hiding? Has gravity taken its natural course or have you been more intimate with Ben and Jerry these days? Believe me, my male friends can attest that it ain’t going to happen if they can’t see the “WHOLE” YOU, even if you checked the box that says “athletic and toned”.

From years of experience, I can usually access the in-person situation within the first five minutes of the date. Does this person look like their picture? Are their major stats factual or completely created? Can I see myself kissing this person, EVER? If I mentally answer yes to the above, then I usually will hang out and hope for the best. But sometimes, when hoping for the best, it really is a recipe for disaster. And don’t be fooled here people – both men and women are equally accountable for creat- ing the disaster.

Take for instance, Sloan*. First five minutes of the JDATE, her online suitor slaps a condom on the table and asks if “IT’S GONNA HAPPEN?????” His disclaimer- he had a “50/50 shot!” Sloan* in disbe- lief, quickly bolts from the premises. NEXT! Jackie* met an online date in a bar for a quick drink which led to another, which led to another, which led to appetizers, which led to dinner. Check arrives – blind date conveniently has no cash/wal- let on him. Can she float the bill and he’ll get the check “NEXT TIME?” She complies, gets hit with a huge bill. They part ways outside, he jumps in a cab. He has cash to pay for a cab? Did he call her again to take her out, his treat? Survey says…“NOT A CHANCE!” Clearly this is a con-artist, little boy with a marketing mantra similar to Denny’s which is; “KIDS EAT FREE!”

Want more chuckles? To be continued (from the male perspective, of course)… Nicole Flier PART 2

(* names changed for privacy)

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