When I first started online dating, I made the same mistakes that I think many online daters make. Primarily, I just didn’t know how to communicate clearly.
Does this situation sound familiar to you? You see someone online who really interests you. You look at their profile, and see that you have many things in common. You get excited. So you send them an email.
But that email is a rambling, incoherent, multi-paragraph message where you list all of the things that you have in common with this person, and you talk about how excited you are to meet them. You then eagerly await their response.
Not surprisingly, this kind of message doesn’t get a response, and you have wasted a great deal of emotional energy and time on this one person.
So, why doesn’t this message get a response? Probably one, or a mixture of, the following reasons:
– You look too eager. You’ve scared them off by listing so many things.
– It’s just plain hard to respond to. You’ve created so many talking points, by listing all of these things that you have in common with this person, that they are overwhelmed. They may start to craft a response, but don’t know where to begin. When they have a full inbox, your message is just too much work to respond to.
– They simply can’t respond to you. On many sites, such as match.com, only paid subscribers can respond to – or even read – your messages. Unfortunately, there’s no way for you to know who can and can’t respond to you.
The solution is to keep in mind that you have one objective for this opening message: to get a response from the person that interests you. Since there are likely a number of people who interest you, you don’t want to waste too much energy on sending them a message.
The “solution” that many people try is to copy and paste a non-specific message to a number of different potential matches. Something like “Hey, I like your profile, let me know if you’re interested.”
I can’t believe people do this. It’s no surprise that these people get frustrated at the lack of responses they get. Would YOU respond to one of these messages? No way – they haven’t shown any interest or invested any time in you.
But you can easily show a potential match that you are paying attention to them, without investing too much time or energy. I call it “the one-line hook.”
Pick ONE thing from their profile that you like about them, and ask ONE question about it. Maybe they really enjoy skiing, and you do, too. Here is a message that is more likely to get a response:
Subject: Hey there
Body: Hi there, I noticed that you like to ski. Where is your favorite place to go?
Seems too simple? It works because it’s EASY to respond to, and asks them about something that is important to them. Best of all, it doesn’t take up too much effort to craft this.
If they are interested in you, this makes it easy for them to communicate with you. Someone who is interested will look at your profile, respond to your question, and likely ask you a few questions about yourself, based upon your profile. You’re off to a great start!